Progress and Adjustments

 A little update:

So far I have remained (more or less) committed to my goals - and I am feeling great - both physically and mentally. Physically speaking: it was time. I had done very little exercise since becoming pregnant and, frankly, I no longer felt like myself. And it's about more than unused muscles and creeky joints - I just didn't feel right. 

I feel the need to choose my words quite carefully when writing about this stuff so as not to suggest that things like body weight and fitness are, or should be, universally-sought goals and aspirations. I want to be clear that, in this space, I am only talking about how I feel and about what makes me tick and feel more authentically me. 

Anyway, my progress towards all of my goals has been imperfect but steady and that's all I can ask of myself.

As stated, (for now) I am sticking almost exclusively to Peloton content. I have not been disappointed and figured I'd share some highlights:

1. I continue to prefer power zone workouts (w/Matt and Denis) on the Bike, though Wendy has prescribed me some fun "low impact" classes with Tunde, Robin, and Hannah C. that have been great and particularly motivational. 

2. The Cardio HIIT classes are incredible. I loved these types of classes at my former gym and I am enjoying these just as much. Classes with Jess Sims and Adrian have kicked my butt in the best kind of way.

3. On the Tread, I discovered hikes! (Thanks, Wendy). They are incredible! Hikes are basically walks on the Tread utilizing incline. Sounds simple and lame but they are anything but. Jess Sims' hikes are great (and hard!) - and a better workout than some runs I've done!

4. Hannah Corbin's barre, stretch, and foam rolling classes continue to be just so, so good. Good for me and, also, SO FUN! Hard but productive in the so many ways. Relaxing and affirming in even better ways.

Anyway, hit me up if you'd like any specific suggestions or recommendations.

Also, I bought a new (essential) toy for my Bike. If there is one, universal complaint about the Peloton Bike it is that it is not an awesome fit for short people. (And, as well all know, at 5'0" I am the shortest kind of short person). There is no adjustment that allows you to move the handlebars forward and back - you can only move them up and down (albeit at an angle). Well, I held off for a while, but Coach Wendy strongly encouraged that I get an aftermarket add-on called "The Adjuster." It costs a million dollars, but I highly recommend for fellow short Peloton riders who are able to find the cash. (I was able spread out my payments, which helps; I also bought it when they were having a sale). It really makes a big difference and it's hard for me to understand why Peloton hasn't either (1) added something similar to their Bike, or (2) cashed in on offering this ad-on. Whatever the case - Top Form Design, the company that makes the Adjuster is AMAZING and super accessible. So, I am happy to support them.

So, that's it, for now. It's cold. The snow is deep. It's still January. Not much else to report. However, posts always seems too dry and boring without a picture so, here is a black-and-white-filtered picture of my kiddo dunking on his basketball hoop. Be well, and get to it, friends.

Resolutioning

I hesitated to write this post - and, well, to partake in resolution-making (and sharing it). Pop culture tells me resolutions "don't work" and I so want to be too cool and above all of this. But one aspect of this journey for me (and by journey, I mean shift in my life's focus and purpose) is embracing being unabashedly me. There is so much hubbub out there telling us how to think and believe and be. And, frankly, I am tired of the noise. You can find a HuffPo article or Medium thought-piece that supports any whim, position, opinion, or view. But confirmation bias is weak, lazy, and a way of kidding oneself. So here's where I am at:

I love a new year! I love a new...anything. A new training plan. A new semester (fresh syllabus, fresh planner, new books!). A new home. New shoes. I like fresh starts. They feel really, really good and hopeful. And, if I look back at the many (many, many) restarts that I've had in my adult life, I think that, in the aggregate, they've helped me thrive. They've certainly made me who I am today. And the problem, for me, has been less about not "sticking with" things to keep the energy flowing and more about losing trust and belief in myself. The world - the noise - has intimidated or exhausted me and I've lost faith in the value of the work. And that's what I am trying to change.

I shared some of my current goals in my last post, but I'll bullet point some more concrete goals and intentions here:

1. Return to fitness/athletic competition participation
2. Address my physical health, including: nutrition, weight loss, and heart health
3. Address my mental health/overall wellness: be more consistent with self-care and mindfulness
4. A bunch of stuff related to parenting
5. A bunch of stuff related to my professional life and community service

Super original list, right? It could be a super-fascinating article in Cosmo. But I admitted up front that I was embracing clichés with my reboot. And I refuse to attempt to be overly deep and profound if it's not authentically me.

So, how am I tackling this realness? In a list, here is the "plan:"

• Peloton (cycling, running, strength, stretch, etc. - utilizing all of the content)
• Working with (fitness) coach
• Official running/other events TBA
• More walking, less sitting
• Eating less sugar
• Temporary eliminating alcohol
• Reducing alcohol overall
• Joining WW 
• Working with a therapist
• Working with a (life) coach
• Revisiting my mindfulness materials
• Less time on social media, TV (I love TV)
• Blogging
• Parenting stuff (snooze)
• Work and community service stuff (TBA)

To be honest, it feels a bit gooey and nauseating to share all of this. I am fully aware that there is nothing earth-shattering or notable here. But as I said up front: part of the work that I have been doing is realizing the power of vulnerability. (Yes, I love Brene Brown). 

So there you have it. My completely unoriginal but nonetheless accurate list of resolutions. 

I'd love for you to reach out if you have ideas, questions, encouragement, or similar challenges. And, if you decide to get on the Peloton wagon, let me know and I'll get you a referral code for a discount!

Happy 2022, y'all. 

 

Back again (again): Seeking accountability through vulnerability

Hi, Blog! It's been a minute. I had to re-learn how to use this darn thing - a lot has changed on Blogspot (apparently now "Blogger"?) since July of 2018! July of 2018 was really the end of me doing any purposeful fitness training or even planning. Well - that's not exactly true. I had planned to run 50K in San Francisco to celebrate my 40th birthday. I didn't train. And, fortunately (?) for me San Francisco was smoke-filled during our visit and the race my pals and I intended to do was cancelled. (As was nearly everything we'd planned to do during our visit). Alas, I had to celebrate the big 4-0 with incredible friends on a Napa/Sonoma winery tour instead of running a bunch of hilly miles on trails. 

San Fran for 40

Anyway. I am 43 now. And I have gained no significant fitness since traipsing through those wineries. And, any residual fitness I was able to hang on to for a spell has also disappeared. I am truly at "zero." I have some fairly legitimate excuses. Just before that 40th birthday trip + run that did not include a run I started my job as public defender in Minneapolis - a challenging job that had a steep learning curve. Fitness was just not part of my life at that time. Then, in January of 2019 I started trying to get pregnant (by myself, with an anonymous donor, using intrauterine insemination. It's called being a single mom by choice. SMC. It's a thing). This was an emotional and challenging journey that involved a lot of artificial hormones. Again, fitness was, for the most part, not a part of my life at that time. In August 2019 I was fortunate to get pregnant. Then, of course, I had to carry the damn fetus for 39 weeks and 2 days. During most of that time I went to bed around 7pm and ate a LOT of Dots candy and pie. Then my baby - Max - was born on April 19, 2020 in the midst of a statewide shutdown - Covid, of course - which made for an interesting hospital stay. And, well, now I have a 20 month old and we are back living on my hometown of Duluth, MN. 

There have been brief moments when I've tried to get back into the swing of things. Exhibits A and B are the Peloton bike and treadmill that I now own:

But I have struggled with consistency and commitment and I have been unhealthy, uncomfortable, out-of-shape, and grieving the loss of running and fitness in my life. 

I want it back. So, here I am. Trying again. And, as always, I have a plan. I am nothing if not a planner. And, of course, that plan includes Coach Wendy. It also includes Coach Wendy's best friend: Peloton. Wendy is a full-fledged member of the Cult of Peloton. And, like any compliant cult member, she dragged me in with her. I resisted, mightily. But, long story short - I gave in and I love it. I love the machines. I love the quality of the content. The classes are top notch and the App access is convenient and simple. Between Max, Covid, and just life, it'll be a long time before I join another gym. I've done a lot of videos and on-demand programs through the years, but the whole Peloton universe is just a great fit for me. I am now in the cult. You should join us - you'll love it here. 

Okay! So. Wendy has graciously* agreed to program workouts for me using all and only Peloton content. Why? Because it's fun. And that's the schtick. For cardio, I do workouts on the Tread and the Bike (I am a big fan of power zone rides). Sometimes I do classes and sometimes I use "just ride" or "just bike" so I can listen to my books and tunes. And then I am prescribed a smattering of strength, stretch, barre, yoga, meditation, etc. We "stack" those classes to give me complete workouts. Peloton instructors teach their classes live, but I do classes almost exclusively on-demand. While the competitive part of the Peloton experience is important for many, I have no interest in or focus on the infamous Leaderboard. 

*Okay, but for real: Wendy is a Peloton junky, remember? And she also likes coaching. So though I am exceptionally grateful that she is willing to put her time into doing this for me, I also know she loves doing it.

Here is a snip example of a week of my training: 

The thing I love is that I can program all of these workouts as a stack into my App, and then go seamlessly from one to the next without too much fussing around. Ain't tech grand?

So, here we go! The official start is January 2022. Because, what can I say: I joined the cult. I can't avoid clichés at this point, so I might as well go all in. 

For my fellow cult members, you can follow me at: SaraJane_Duluth. 

Wendy is: Midwest_Wendy. 

Currently, my fave instructors are: Matt W., Denis, Tunde, Jess S, Hannah C. 

And, honestly, I will appreciate any support, feedback, kudos, check-ins, ideas - whatever! I have avoided blogging for a long time because it felt attention-seeking and self-involved. Turns out what it really requires is that I embrace vulnerability in a way that gives me the accountability that I want, that I crave, and that I need.

Oh, and I do have one goal event on the calendar. More on that later.

Changing Plans, Keeping Goals

My running and my overall fitness had been progressing pretty well. I picked a #FITfor40 goal - a super hilly 50K in San Francisco the weekend before my 40th birthday - and I was starting to build up mileage. I decided to run the Garry Bjorklund half marathon back in mid-June because it's fun, easy, and a great way to get in some decent miles. Unfortunately, around mile 5 I tweaked my left hamstring. It was pretty unexpected, even though I've had problems in the past. This is not a new injury or issue for me. It's something I've struggled with since I first tore a hamstring (my right) in the 10th grade in the middle of a 100 meter dash at the conference meet. Then, 4 years, later, as a sophomore in college, I tore the other one (my left) in the middle of an indoor 55 meter dash. That one ended my sprinting and soccer playing days. Since that time, as I've become a "jogger" and increased my distances from 5K to 50 miles, I've struggled with hamstring issues on and off. But never anything as extreme as what happened to me in high school and college when I hurt them while sprinting. Well, apparently, 39 is the age when it all goes to hell.

Photo from the Section 7AA meet in 1995. I tore my right hamstring in the middle of a race at the Conference meet, just two weeks or so before this photo from Sections. I thought I was done for the season. I rehabbed with only pool training between Conference and Sections, and then the athletic trainer rigged up that wrap that's on my leg with therapy bands and ace bandages. It worked. Not only could I race, but I qualified for the state meet!

I muscled through the half marathon with an aching hamstring. It was unpleasant, and we had to run pretty slowly, but we made it. And, honestly, the next day I felt fine. I babied it for about a week and wasn't too worried about it. Whew, I thought...dodged a bullet there. Well, not so fast. A couple weeks after Grandma's I was running an evening trail run at Hartley with a friend, and tripped over a root. It wasn't a massive trip. I didn't fall. But I felt my left hamstring tweak again. I tried to keep going, but eventually we had to walk it in. This one felt much worse than what happened at Grandma's. I was sidelined again.

Throughout this time, I've been more or less attending my interval and strength training classes at the gym and doing one session each week with my personal trainer. And I've been running short little 3 and 4 mile runs. And the leg has been okay. Not perfect. But also didn't seem to be getting worse. I had a 1/2 mile trail marathon over in Solon Springs, WI  (just about 45 minutes from home) on the calendar last Sunday, and I decided to go give it a try. I went in with the plan to just take it slow, hike all of the hills, and just cover the distance. And, for the first 4.5 miles, it went very well. I barely felt the hamstring. I felt my lack of fitness more than anything, but my body felt fine. Until mile 4.5 when I encountered another root. It was the exact same stumble I had at Hartley. Right foot gets caught on a root, left hamstring "snaps" (for lack of a better word) as I try to catch my balance. This one was bad. I immediately knew I'd screwed up by attempting this race. But with a 50K on the calendar in mid-November, I was running out of time to get my training in. I felt like I just had to give it a try.

It was a long walk from mile 4.5 to the turnaround at the 6.5 mile mark where, mercifully, I was able to get a ride back to the finish. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings on that walk. Pain, anger, frustration, resignation, acceptance, and, eventually, I was ready to reevaluate and reexamine my goal.

To celebrate my 40th birthday, I had a goal to do something epic and physically challenging. I chose a 50K trail race with over 6000 feet of elevation gain. (That's as much elevation gain as I had in the 50 mile race I did for my 35th birthday!) To make it more fun, I've invited 5 friends to join me in San Francisco to make it a fun, long weekend. We are all participating in some sort of running event as part of the North Face Endurance Challenge. It's a pretty cool event - I learned about it when I volunteered at their event in upstate New York back when I lived out East. The events have everything from 5K to 50 mile races - something for everyone. I was looking forward to a major physical and endurance challenge and a fun weekend. I am considering my options now. Given my injury, and the limited time I'll have to train, I will likely need to change to the half marathon. There's a silver lining to that, as 3 of my 5 friends that are coming are planning to do that race, with the other two doing the 5K.

So, my goal is still to continue getting into better shape than I was yesterday, and a year ago. Will I be "fit" come November? Probably not in the way that I hoped or envisioned. But all I can do is keep plugging away, and doing the best that I can with the time, resources, and body I have. This journey does not end on November 21...I know that, of course. And, as always, it's gotta be about the journey, as opposed to any sort of finite endpoint. Still, I like goals. I am a planner and I firmly believe in making plans that force me to challenge myself, get me out of my comfort zone, and most of all be the most authentic and honest version of myself that I can be. That's still my goal. New plan, new path, same ultimate goal.

Portion of the incredible and beautiful North Country trail, where my left hamstring met its latest demise last weekend. I took this while walking, rather peacefully, and making my way to the half way point so that I could hitch a ride back to the starting line. 

Back At It

I haven't posted since last August. I haven't been completely 'lax or negligent in my efforts - but I also haven't had much to blog about. I've been going to the the gym, more or less, but not really making much actual progress towards my #FITfor40 goal. That is to say: I don't think I have regressed, per se, but I also haven't progressed. I write now with the hope - the goal - that that is changing.

For starters, I've planned my #FITfor40 goal race. More on that later. It'll take place just before my 40th birthday in November.

In the meantime, I have my sights set on losing weight, strengthening up my hips and core, and very slowly, and incrementally, building back up a strong and sturdy cardiovascular system.

That's it. For now. I am back in the game, and committed to being #FITfor40.

Fierce or Foolish? A Race Report: SuperiorMan 41.5

Last time I posted, I mentioned that I had asked Julie to help me get over my fear of open water swimming. Well, there was a reason for that. The conversation before that went like this:

Me: I kinda wanna do SuperiorMan. The short course.

Julie: Oh, InferiorMan?

Me: Yeah. That one. But I haven't been swimming or biking at all, I haven't done either since last summer, and I haven't been running much.

Julie: Hmm. Well, I mean, you can complete the distance. Like, you can cover the course.

Me: Okay. I mean that would be my only goal.

And so it went. That was on June 23. I decided to do the race.

The "short course" at SuperiorMan is a 1/2 mile swim, a 35.4 mile bike, and 5.6 mile run (41.5 miles total). (The "long course" is the Half Ironman distance, 70.3 miles total).

Between that day and today, I did the following, triathlon-specific training:

• I rode my road bike twice, once for 17 miles and once for 20;
• I swam in open water three times, each time just testing it out (w/wetsuit) but not swimming for any significant distance;
• I swam laps in the pool once for 20 minutes; and
• I ran sporadically, never more than 5 miles.

That was it. That was not wise. That is not something I recommend. 

Enough background, let's get to the day.

I wasn't doing this race with anyone and no one was going with me. That's pretty normal for me - I've done most races solo. That said, my friend Christina Meier - who I know from high school (where she was a stellar swimmer) and have stayed in touch with since (to follow her path to becoming an IRONMAN) was there volunteering for the swim portion. And Mike (husband of Julie and my other trainer at Destination Fitness) and Calla, a friend from the gym, were doing a relay so they were there as well. 

If you don't know this race, you can read about it here. I won't describe how it works. But it's kinda fun and quirky and cool. Especially if you love Duluth. 

Calla and I boarded the Vista Star and headed out to the swim start. I was anxious but not particularly nervous. On our boat (which was the second of two) were the fastest swimmers for the 1/2 Ironman distance (who were swimming 1.2 miles) and all of the people doing the 41.5 distance, the slow group (me) and the fast group. We were entering the water in that order. 

The jump off of the Vista and into the water was more jarring than I was expecting. Julie prepared me, but it still knocked me a bit out of sorts. I took a second to gather myself and began to swim. For about 4 strokes. And it was exactly like the sprint triathlon I did last summer. I couldn't breathe. In or out. I just couldn't catch my breath. A dude in front of me was breast-stroking so I tried that. Nope. I was a mess. I saw a kayak and yelled for help. I was literally about 15 yards from the Vista at this point. I grabbed on and tried to calm down. I kept telling the man in the kayak: "I just can't breathe, I have asthma, I just can't breathe." He was very kind, but after a couple minutes he said: "Do you want to get on a rescue boat?" I looked at him and said: "I think so." 

And then all the thoughts went through my head. "What do I care? I didn't even train for this. This isn't a goal race. Barely anyone even knows I am doing this." 

But then I pictured my poor, lonely bike sitting in transition. (This is true, I actually did). And so I said to the man: "Let me try again." So I did. And it was awful. And I kept struggling, but I pushed my way along until I came across a nice woman in a kayak. She became my new best friend. At least for the next half hour or so. I hung on with her for a bit, gathered myself, and swam. And she followed me. And I hung on with her for a bit, and gathered myself, and swam. She was great. Quiet. She didn't say much. Except when I looked at her with sad, embarrassed eyes and kept saying: "I just can't breathe" she would say: "You're doing great. You're gonna get there." She was with me until I entered the slip that led to the end of the swim portion of the race. (For those not familiar with the sport, it is within the rules to hang onto a kayak or boat or really anything at any time while in the water as long as you don't make forward progress). 

And so it went.

When I was between the two buoys that marked the turnaround point for the 1/2 mile swim course, I had stopped and yelled for help (again) and my kayak friend was working her way over to me. I was treading water and I heard someone yell: "IS THAT SARA??"

It was Christina.

Me (yelling): "Ugh. [expletive I can't remember]! Yes, it's me. I can't breathe! This is awful!

Christina: "But you're doing it!!?"

Me: "Am I, though? Am I??? I keep holding on!"

Christina: "That's okay you're out here and you're doing it!"

Me: "I'm a mess!"

Christina: "You're amazing!"

Christina was very excited for me. She should be a motivational speaker. 

Background: I have been talking to Christina about wanting to do triathlons for years. Since 2012, I think. But it's never quite come together - and then I did that first sprint Tri last summer and bombed epically. I'd been texting her all week about how to prepare for this damn thing. Anyway, she had context, she knew this was a huge challenge for me, and also a huge dream. And she was proud. In the moment, though, I was not. 

I muddled through the rest of the swim like that, and I finished. How slow was I? Let's just say that all of the people doing the 1.2 mile swim that started with me? They beat me. But, I didn't quit. And I got there. Now? Onto the bike.

The bike was by far my favorite part of this race. Even though I baaaaarely know how to operate my road bike. I am not fast on the bike, but I like that you can just kinda kick back and decide how hard you want to work. For me, today, that was a gift. I spun along the course at a comfortable pace and I completed it. Now, it was no small task. Before today I'd probably been on my road bike no more than a dozen times. Total. Ever. I am still scared to clip in and out of the pedals. And, before today, I had never, ever, ridden this bike, or any bike, more than 20 miles. But it never felt long. It was quiet and private and the lake was beautiful as always. I finished the 35.4 miles and, as compared to the swim exit, I felt pretty fierce.

I got back to transition and Christina cheered me in and met me near my stuff. I changed into my running shoes and noticed that the bottom plate on one of my bike shoes had come almost completely off. Apparently I really WAS feeling zen out on the bike! I had no idea until I took off the shoe.

Anyway, the run. So, this is the part that's actually my sport. This is what I do. It was 5.6 miles. I ran 40 miles once. But, of course, that was not without training. And not after 35 miles on the bike.

OUCH! Sweet Jesus. This run was unpleasant. 

My quads rebelled like nothing I've ever felt before - including when I ran that 50 (40) miler on killer hills and technical terrain. So, I ran/walked it. Some people go into a race planning to do that. I defaulted to it and felt fine about it. I ran a little, I walked a little, and so on.

And, after all was said and done, I finished. I wasn't last. I almost was. And if I had been? Meh. I finished. Such as it was. 

Final thoughts:

• I AM proud that I finished...because I started, and, well, I was very close to getting on a rescue boat and calling it a day.
• I am NOT happy that I did this. It was not wise. Yes, I had the underlying fitness and innate athletic ability to complete the course. But I had no business being out there. I was presumptuous to think that I could or should do it without training. I shouldn't have. No one should.
• I had a blast today. I was in pain a lot of the time, but I loved the event. Clint Agar and Duluth Running Co. do a tremendous job putting on this race. And everyone on the race course was so kind and supportive. It was a great atmosphere. I am grateful.

What now? Well, I have to figure out if this (the swim, mainly) is a demon I want to battle or something I want to let go of while I go chase other goals. I don't know yet. Both times I've done a triathlon the swim has been extremely traumatic. Terrifying, really. That said, in talking to other triathletes, I know my experience isn't abnormal. I also haven't ever really trained, or practiced, swimming. So to write it off now might be a bit premature. And also a lame excuse.

Anyway, I march on with my plan to be #FITfor40. I honestly do not know what's next, other than continuing to show up for classes with Julie and Mike. Stay posted. 

Here are some shots from the day:

Transition Area a Dawn

I really "tore it up" on the bike course!

Bike to Run Transition

Almost there!

Yay! A friend! (Thanks Christina!)

The Finish

Facing Fears & Chasing Goals

It's amazing what we can accomplish when we get out of our own way.

"Are we swimming Friday or Saturday?" Julie texted me this annoying question on Wednesday of last week. Crap, I thought. She never forgets anything. A couple weeks before I had told her that I wanted to work on curing the fear and terror with which I associated open water swimming and asked her if that is something that she could work on with me. I knew that Julie, and her husband Mike, have done many triathlons and that it is part of the palette of training services that they provide. That said - even though I posed the question, it wasn't something I was actually anxious to do...

In June of 2016 I participated in my first triathlon. I didn't write about it because I wasn't blogging at the time, but it was an eventful, and fairly traumatic, experience. The race was a short, sprint triathlon in my mother's hometown of Fairmont, MN. I hadn't ever swum in open water before - and had only truly learned how to swim laps in a pool in 2012 - but it was only 400 yards, so I figured I could muscle through. I was wrong. It was 90 degrees, so I wasn't wearing a wetsuit. And I couldn't have worn one if I wanted to. (More on that below). Anyway, about 15 yards into the race, I started to have a total panic/asthma attack. I couldn't breathe. I was terrified. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Thankfully, there was a kayak nearby and I grabbed on and tried to pull myself together. Long story short, that kayak followed me the entire length of the swim and I made it back to shore by alternating breast stroke with breaks while hanging onto the kayak. Needless to say, I was dead last - by a long shot - when I exited the water. But I still enjoyed the day. I got on my bike and was able to pass a lot of people, which helped me feel like slightly less of a moron. But I was completely shaken. I had intended to do several more triathlons throughout the summer. I scrapped those plans.

Fast forward to last week, when I am texting Julie about having a lesson. "Listen, I told her. I don't think my wetsuit fits. I bought it in 2012 when I was 25 pounds lighter. I tried putting it on last summer, by myself in my living room, couldn't get it on, and cried." The lakes are warming up here in Northern Minnesota, but they are still pretty cold. "Bring it anyway," she said. "You may just need some help."

Anyway, yesterday morning I found myself up at Pike Lake, standing in the parking lot, spraying myself with lubricant, and preparing to stretch a tight piece of rubber over my not-so-tight body. While Julie pumped up her inflatable stand up paddleboard (or SUP, as I was informed) I prepared to face my first demon of the day: putting on my wetsuit.

Now, it's not just the cold water that made me want the wetsuit. (Remember, I considered using it on that 90 degree day last summer before I realized that it no longer fit.) I am a weak, and fairly new, swimmer and I've been told over and over again how much the wetsuit helps. I desperately wanted to be able to try this out and see if I could face my open water swim demons head on with the help of little bit of buoyancy. While the prospect of trying, and possibly failing, to get my wetsuit on was scary and rather humiliating, the thought of swimming in the lake without it might have been an outright deal breaker.

Much to my surprise and delight: WE GOT IT ON! And it wasn't even that terrible! Following the crying/wrestling-with-my-wetsuit-by-myself-in-my-living-room-incident-of-2016, Coach Wendy had told me that her husband Tim, an experienced triathlete, couldn't get his wetsuit on without help. But when I initially purchased mine five years ago, I could. So instead of just finding help and trying, I shamed and blamed and hated myself and my extra 25 pounds for an entire year and simply abstained from pursuing my goal of not only swimming in a lake, but also participating in triathlon at all.

She's in!

Now, as pleased as I was to get into the wetsuit, I still had no idea if I'd be able to swim. I assumed there was still a strong possibility that I would have a panic and/or asthma attack and call it a day. Both Julie and I went into the session knowing that it may be a total bust. But I also knew that I had to at least try.

As I waded into the lake and crunched my toes on zebra mussels, I told myself to just stay calm and not get ahead of myself. What I wanted most to get from the day was to get in there, to move around a bit, and to know that with practice and effort, I'd be able to do it some day. Well, it turned out that some day was yesterday. First, it's true what they say about the wetsuit: it's basically cheating. It keeps you afloat so you can truly just focus on your stroke (as opposed to having to focus on surviving and not dying). But second, I was for some reason in the right head space, with the right instructor, at the right time, to just keep my wits about myself, go after it, and succeed. And there I was. Swimming across a lake.

First steps

She swims!

Success!

Thanks as always to Julie for the encouragement and the lesson. Destination Fitness indeed. 

I was feeling so empowered that I went home, threw my road bike in my car, and took it for a 17-mile spin up the north shore. I hadn't been on my road bike since last July due to another silly, debilitating mental block. More on that one next time. 

Just past Brighton Beach on the side of scenic hwy 61 - ready to head out

It's amazing what we can accomplish when we get out of our own way.

#FITfor40

Baselines

To start things off with my #FITfor40 challenge, I wanted to get some baseline measurements of both me and my fitness level. I like numbers. I like objective assessments. I like seeing my progress (and knowing when I need to kick it up a notch).

I started last Sunday with a MAF treadmill test. I've done this treadmill test for years, so I am able to see the result and know what it means about my own, personal fitness level. I first started using my heart rate as part of my training in 2007, when I first Melissa Simmens. Melissa was initially a personal trainer I hired at my gym while living in Columbia, MD. She's since become an great friend and training partner. Melissa is an experienced ultramarathoner and only made her own, real breakthrough progress in endurance training when she started paying attention to her heart rate. So many people undertake run training with a constant goal of seeing how fast they can run every single time they lace up their shoes. I used to do that too and it never worked. That is to say, I was never able to truly develop an aerobic system that allowed me to run longer distances at faster and faster speeds. Melissa changed all that.

I don't train completely by heart rate, but I do pay attention to it. And I love doing my own, mini version of a MAF test whenever I decide to get serious about building my aerobic fitness. What I do is this: I get on the treadmill, with a HR monitor, and run for 60 minutes (0% incline) at my MAF HR (currently 142 beats per minute) and see how far I go. Then, as I train and get fitter, I do it again...and I see improvement. That is, at the same HR, and for the same amount of time, I run farther. Every time I try to just train "by feel" I always end up going back to a MAF test and focusing on my HR training. It's the only thing that has ever worked and that has ever allowed me to make real progress in my run fitness. For me, it's been the fastest, most reliable way to truly get into shape.

So I did that last Sunday. On kickoff day. My half birthday.

Then, on Wednesday, I did some personal training with Julie that included both body measurements and fitness testing. I don't have a whole lot to report on that now, except that, like the MAF test, it gave me baselines against which I will compare my progress three months from now. It was fun. I love personal training sessions with Julie. She's great in group classes, but one-on-one time is a different kind of fun. More on Julie, and our history, in a later post.

And, while I'll refrain from posting my general "before" pictures at this stage in the game, I will share this one from my wall-sit test. Which, by the look on my face, I took very seriously!

"You have a perfect 90-degrees! I have to take a picture...stay right there." -Julie

So, there we are. For now. I am still working on developing a plan for my running. For now, I am just getting in a few miles here and there. And while that feels good, I do need to start planning and implementing something a bit more formal. Cheers! #FITfor40.

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Fast-Twitch Follies: #FITfor40

It's been three years since my last post. There's no mystery as to why that is. In short: I've become unfit, unmotivated, overweight, and uninspired. The completion of my 50 for 35 challenge (if not the race) was an epic achievement. I was very proud. I graduated from law school a week after running 40, hilly, miles of trail: another epic achievement. But after that, life got complex, confusing, upsetting, and just plain hard. It happens.

I've tried, throughout these past three years, to regain my fitness. I miss it. Terribly. I miss feeling good in my body and in my skin and in my soul. I miss having reasons to feel proud and fierce. I miss having the ability to go for long runs and for hilly-scary-difficult runs, and to participate in running events. I've still participated in a few races here and there...but it's been unfulfilling and frustrating - despite the only intention being to just show up. I'm a born athlete, I'm a natural athlete, and I get a lot of my positive energy and positive reinforcement from the universe by being an athlete. Now, this is all in the eye of the beholder - I get that. I can still call myself an athlete. The reality is: I am not happy with myself and I am not being honest with myself. And that unhappiness goes beyond fitness. My life has taken twists and turns that were not what I wanted, not what I imagined, and that have caused me excessive amounts of pain, illness, heartbreak, and disappointment. Not only have I struggled with my physical well-being, but also with pretty serious health diagnoses that are not new, but that have reared their ugly head more and more over the past few years.

Anyway, I decided it's time to just stop the madness. All of it. There is only so much I can control, but there is a whole lot that I can control. One thing I believe that I can grab by the horns, slam on the breaks, screech a 180, and steer in a different direction, is my physical fitness and by proxy my overall wellness.

Welcome to FIT for 40. Or, since we are in the era of social media: #FITfor40. Why? Because why the fu** not?

What is #FITfor40? Well, I am not exactly sure...yet. But I have a ton of ideas, and a ton of goals, and currently a ton of inspiration. I want to keep it rollin'...

Of note: My 40th birthday is 18 months from today, on November 21, 2018. I have decided that I want to snap myself out of my funk, re-engage with my innate physical abilities, tap into my former athlete, and get myself back to doing things epic.

So, stay tuned. And, if you'd like, I hope you'll join me on this adventure. You don't need to be unfit, or frustrated, or flirting with 40 to join me or this challenge. All you have to have is a desire to start engaging in physical fitness - and healthy living - more than you are right now.

So why am I saying all of this "publicly" (to the four of you who will read this)? Because it helps to say things out-loud, even if it's the social-media version of out-loud. It helps because it makes it real, it makes a "thing," and it makes me accountable. I am nostalgic for the focus and dedication I had while I was fundraising and training for my 50-miler. And while this is a different sort of journey, I am still committed to making it real and not just an idea in my head or my private journal.

So, what am I gonna do? Well, that's also a work in progress...more to come in ensuing posts. I am gonna start by signing up for a few races: organized events are key for me and while my goal is to be better equipped to participate in them at a higher level, for now I am going to throw myself back into the mix and remind my body what it feels like. I also plan to get back to regular, and intensified, run training, and to kick up my attendance record in classes and with my trainer at Destination Fitness. I'll also be working with my trainer on doing fitness tests and measurements at three month intervals throughout this process; I like measuring concrete, objective progress!

I've learned so much from running, and training, and experimenting with my fitness and abilities through the years. I hope to share some of that here. I also hope to explore some new training methods and fitness ideas and share those too. I've run over 20 half marathons, 10 marathons, and a couple of ultramarathons. -- And all this for a girl who excelled in, and is better suited to run, the 100 meter dash!

And, as with my 50 for 35 challenge, this entire journey will culminate with an attempt at one, epic physical challenge.

FIT, for me, means: Fierceness, Integrity, Tenacity.

I'm also on twitter with a new handle. For my twitter photo, I chose a day in 2012 when I was, perhaps, more inspired than I have ever been: In London, after watching one of my dearest (and fittest!) friends pour her heart out in the Olympic marathon. Watching the race that day I was inspired to work hard to get the most out of myself,...whatever that is. I don't think I've done that yet. And I'd still like to try. I have 18 months until I turn 40, and while there's truly no deadline, in those 18 months I intend to focus on getting my body, and my mind, #FITfor40.

Ice Age 50-Miler Race Report

Well, this isn't exactly the race report I hoped I'd be writing. I of course wanted to be celebrating the completion of my first 50-miler. But it was not to be. That said, I am very proud of what I did accomplish (both with my fundraising and in the race). I am proud of the way my body held up physically and how I handled the hills and trails. For whatever reason, despite drinking what I thought was a lot of fluids, I got very dehydrated, which led to dizziness, and the decision to call it a day at the mile 40.3 aid station. Yes, I was/am disappointed - I wanted more than anything to finish! But I left it all out there...and I even impressed myself with what I was able to do out there. I'll take it. For now.

I read race reports where people go mile by mile, or section by section, and explain exactly how they felt and what they were thinking and doing during that part of the race. I have no idea how those people remember with such detail and clarity. I'd like to think that I can't remember specifics because I was so in the zone, in the moment, while I was out there...not thinking about how I will report back, but just enjoying the "being" on the trail. Whatever the case, here are some random thoughts and memories of what happened out there:

I completed law school - literally - on Thursday (May 8th) at about 4:45pm. I walked out of my last final exam and it felt a bit surreal...I wanted to celebrate, but I had to pack! My flight departed for WI at 6am the next morning!

I arrived in Milwaukee at around 8:30am and met my mom, who had flown in from Duluth, at the airport. We got in our rental car and drove the 40 minutes to the hotel, which was about 15 miles from the race start. Once there we just hung out and relaxed. I got my drop bags and crew bag ready for the next day, laid out my clothes and I was ready to roll!

My race fuel!

My mom hanging out in the hotel as I got ready for the race.

At around 4pm we went to packet pickup which was held at a restaurant just up the road from our hotel. It was very low-key and painless!

Sign on the restaurant where we went for packet pickup

My race number: "Lucky" 13!

The alarm(s) went off at 4am on Saturday. I was definitely anxious before the start, but I felt ready to go. I strangely had an excellent night's sleep the night before so I felt rested and solid before the start.

It was still chilly in the morning when we arrived at the start.

Right before the start! Ready to go.

The race has 3 distinct parts: The first is a loop on a XC ski trail and the second and third are two "out and backs" on the single-track Ice Age trail. If you are interested in seeing how the course is laid out, you can click here.

The race course.

I felt really good from the start, which was on a nice grassy trail. The trail was nice and wide here so I was able to chat with several different runners - something I love about trail running culture: the people. They are all so down to earth, so supportive, and friendly. Not that there aren't friendly people in road races, of course...but it's just, well, different. It's different in a way that I find preferable. Even the people who were out there looking for a specific time (as opposed to those of us just hoping to complete the race, and before the cutoff) don't take themselves quite as seriously as road runners do. I just love it.

After that first loop, the trail got more challenging. It was now "single-track" (only enough space for one runner at a time, so no running side by side) and since it was out and back, there were people going in both directions.

The trail started off reasonable enough, but sometime after mile 17 it started getting very hilly. At least for this girl who trained on the flat paths of Washington DC. I knew the course would be hilly...but I wasn't prepared for how steep and constant they were. That said: I realized right away that I was handling them really well. I hiked all of the uphills (everyone around me did this). This is a common way of handling the length and terrain of a trail race, especially an ultra. People were talking about taking the downhills easy because they can shred your quads after a while...but I pounded them all. I am not exactly built for distance running...but what I do have is lots of strength in my rear end and quads! I've never had trouble with downhills: I am built for them. And I take them aggressively. It's extremely fun and exhilarating.

Side note: It was pretty cool, on the first out and back, to jump out of the way when the elites flew by me. The speed with which they run the trails is amazing. And even though they were racing for more than just completion, they still made a point of saying something encouraging ("nice work" "looking good" and the like...) as we passed each other on the trail. Pretty awesome.

In the end, both a men's and women's course record were set that day - pretty amazing considering how warm it got in the afternoon. But they, of course, were done before the afternoon! For the approximately 6 hours, give or take, that they were running the weather was pretty great. You can read about the elite race here.

In general: I loved this race. I loved the course, I loved the event, I loved being out there. I was inspired by my mission (and success!) to raise money for Jacob's Ladder and I was excited that the race was finally happening. My body felt great and I realized I really was in great shape and ready for this race. I have never trained as long or as consistently for anything and it really paid off. Additionally, I did core/strength classes at the gym all semester and I think that really helped both my endurance and my ability to handle the hills and the technical parts of the trail. And I am proud of all of that.

But around mile 35, I started feeling dizzy. This happens, so at first I thought I'd be able to figure it out by doing something with my food or fluids. It was definitely warm (though I didn't really feel overly hot) and I had been running for a long time. And I thought my nutrition had been going well. I found that what I was craving most were the PBJ sandwiches at the aid stations and I had 1-2 pieces of those (they were cut in quarters) at nearly all of the aid stations. In between, I had Gu Roctane gels and Gu Chomps. But not that much. I only had 2-3 actual Gu packets and I think 3 packs of chomps during the whole race. For fluids, I was drinking water and water mixed with Nuun electrolyte tablets. I made a point of drinking a bunch of water while at the aid station and then filling up my 20 oz bottle before leaving the station. It's hard to imagine that I didn't drink enough, or how I could have had more, but clearly my body needed more. I was, of course, sweating a lot. I took a LOT of salt tabs (S-Caps), more than I ever have before, because I could feel the salt drying on my skin. The only other symptom I had that something was wrong, other than the dizziness, were my swollen fingers: they were HUGE. Very puffy - so much so that I could hardly bend them. They looked like huge sausages. This is not completely abnormal, but I have never seen them this big before.

At the mile 37 aid station I tried everything. I had some banana, salt, tons of water...I took off running again but I just didn't feel right. By mile 38 I was walking and trying to decide if I could push through. During the whole race I had been making good time without feeling like I was putting in too much effort. I had hit the half way point (aid station at 24.4) at 5 hours, 15 minutes. And at that point I still felt realy great!

I was feeling great at the halfway point!

But as I was walking mile 38 I realized I was losing a lot of time and knew that if I was going to push it through to the end and make the cut offs, I really needed to start alternating running. I tried over and over again but I was just too darn dizzy. My peripheral vision was fuzzy...and it was just too hard to run and dodge the roots and rocks in this kind of shape. I was probably around mile 39 when I decided that I had to stop at the next aid station, mile 40.3 (the point to the far right on the map above) and drop out. It was a terrible decision/feeling. And a very long walk to get there. 

I think the most frustrating thing was that I otherwise felt really good - physically, that is. Yes, I was tired. And yes, I had soreness (my hamstrings and lower back were definitely talking!). But I felt like I could do it...if I could have just figure out what was going wrong with my nutrition. But it wasn't meant to be.

When I got to the aid station I found my trusty crew: my mom and step mom, who had been so incredibly amazing all day! It had been so great all day arriving at the aid station and having them waiting there for me...snapping pictures and getting me whatever food and water I demanded! They were amazing, especially since they had never done, or seen, anything like a trail ultra before! I was so grateful to have them there all day. They had been so impressed by how strong I felt every time they had seen me up to this point. As such, it sucked to tell them that I had to stop. I sat down for a while and finally pulled off my timing chip and gave it to the volunteers. I wasn't the only one doing that...but that didn't make it any easier.

Here are some pics that my mom took at the aid stations:

I really did have a lot of fun.

See? Fun.

Loved those PBJ sandwiches

See? I drank a LOT!

I had the best crew - even when I got grumpier and more demanding. "GIMEE CHOMPS NOW!"

The whole experience was just so incredible: training for an ultra, fundraising for a cause I really cared about, and focusing on it all for so long - it was really a full year's journey when all was said and done. Thank you, again, to everyone who supported me through your donations to Jacob's Ladder (I raised $3,635!) and for your encouragement through the long training process.  It was truly one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. And even though I technically didn't "finish," I definitely completed an incredible journey. My thanks to everyone who was a part of the journey with me.

Up Next? On Sunday I graduate from Georgetown Law. A pretty great couple of weeks.

All gussied up in my graduation garb

Two Weeks to Go!

I've been terrible about updating, I know. For the 3 of you that read this: I apologize!

I've been busy writing papers, registering for the bar exam, applying for jobs...oh, yeah...and running!

I run the Ice Age 50-miler in two weeks from today!

I ran my last long run, 25 miles, last weekend. Then I started my taper. The week before that I ran a nice, solid 30-mile run. I've only run two runs of 30+ miles this training cycle. I'd hoped to do more but, well, it just didn't work out that way. That said, I ran a bunch of 26-mile runs (including two marathon "races") and, for the most part, everything has gone really well. I am injury free at least...and that is huge. I don't think I've ever even had a marathon training cycle where I was completely injury free. I mean, I have definitely had niggles and soreness and some nagging issues while training for this 50, but none that required that I actually "sit out" and wait to heal. So I may not have run as many miles as I originally hoped, but that I kept my injury-prone sprinter's body healthy is a huge win.

I am extremely nervous about the race. Several people have asked me if I have a particular time goal in mind. Um, yeah. The time I have to run to beat the cut-off(s)! Me completing a trail 50 in that time, 12 hours, is by no means certain even if I am completely healthy. Now, you may be doing math and thinking: wait, that should be easy. You can average 14 minute miles! Well, I hope so. But trail races, and ultras, are just so much different. You cannot just take your road time and average that out and assume that you can maintain it. First of all, trails are much more challenging. They slow you down for lots of reasons. Second, I have to do stuff like eat! And make pit stops! And address whatever may come along the way. Finally: It's FIFTY MILES. So in theory I think I can overall maintain 12-minute miles on the trail (2+ minutes/mile slower than my road marathon pace, faster on the flats, taking it easy on the hills)...but I will also lose time on pit stops and at aid stations. And dealing with whatever else comes up.

I am really just hoping for good weather. When I ran my 50K (55K) back in March, I felt great...but the trail was just a complete mud pit. I ran strong all day, but it was just slow going getting through the sticky goo. The hills and roots and rocks at Ice Age will be enough of a challenge...so I am sending all of my positive thoughts to Wisconsin in hopes of a nice day on May 10th.

So, to repeat, my goal is to finish before the cutoff, which is 12 hours. The race is being extra strict this year and the last 5 or so aid stations have strict cut off times. So if I don't make it to them by the required time, I will be pulled from the race. If that happens, it won't be because I didn't give it everything I had. I know I can do it. But things go wrong in races. And you just can't predict some of them. My only goal is to work my butt off and do my best.

Oh yeah: I met my fundraising goal!! I am so incredibly excited about this. I have never raised this much money before. I am so thankful for so much support from so many generous people. You can read all of their names here.

I am heading into 2 weeks of final exams: my last exams EVER, I hope. (The bar exam aside...that comes up in July.) I will take my last law school exam on May 8th, hop a plane on May 9, and run the Ice Age Trail-50 on May 10. Then I head back to Washington DC on May 11 to prepare to move and then I graduate on May 18. So much to do, but it's all exciting. OK, the impending exams aren't exciting...but being done with them most definitely is.

Thanks again to everyone who has supported me through this training and fundraising. Really, I have been training for this race for almost an entire year! I signed up to run the JFK-50 last spring and trained hard through the summer only to get a quirky injury last August that kept me out for most the fall. I was unable to run JFK  and was only able to start training again in mid-October. Really, I have to be amazed that I have remained as healthy as I have since recovering from that nasty injury. I'd like to be more fit going into my first real ultra race (yes, I ran that 55K, but I wasn't "racing" per se)...but I will take what I was able to get out of this training cycle. My body did not love the ultra training, but it allowed me to plug along and do the best I could. For that, I am thankful.

I'll post a pre-race update close to race day, May 10.

"50 for 35": Thank You For Your Donation!

Because my fundraising site does not list everyone who has generously contributed to my "50 for 35" challenge, I wanted to post a list of names to thank everyone who has donated. If you do not see your name and donated, let me know! It does take a week or so for me to get updates on who has contributed.

"50 for 35" Contributors
Livhu Ndou
Michele Keane
Scott Hiza
Coley Mangrum
Kate Graham
Kate Baldwin
Madonna Lennon
Liz Schroeder
JoAnna Cobb
Brenda Schwerdt
Jennifer Mullins
Jeff Litman
Jeffrey and Hope Austin-Phillips
Jen McEwen
Barbara Russ
Kendra Carlson
Kelly Ohman
Mary Witte
Amy Shogren
Linda Goodman
Susan Hellman
Andrea Lien
Bjorna Jayson
Bonnie Russ
Genevieve Augustin
Kristine Bowers
Bliss Peterson
Annette Hansen
Lauren Beatty
Beth Cleary
Sara Vallie
Lori Baldwin
Pat Hellman
Carrie Dzuck
Andrea Knutson
Melissa Gaylord
Vivian Adkins
Peter Froehlingsdorf
Wendy Miller
Jason Fields
Beverly Haeckel
Pamela Russ
Grant Loehnig
Mark Anderson
Mickey Fisher
Sarah Seidelmann
Emily Betz
Santo Carfora
Olga Kogan
Kelli Slonim
Kei Terauchi
Neil Glazman
Angela Rowles
Annalisa Peterson
Mary Lee
Reghann LaFrance
Mary Elizabeth Stone
Leslie Beiers
Jennifer Wyss
Matt and Katie Hedman
Justin Haeckel
Sandy Schaefer
Christina Meier
Glenn Johnson
Will and Kyra Zhang
Kerstin Hokanson
Kendall Schoolmeester
Brenna Egan
Danielle Davis
Natalie Wolf

From me and everyone at Jacob's Ladder: Thank you!

Brief Update: A Couple of Races

I can't believe I haven't posted in over a month! This will be brief, but heregoes:

On February 16th I was supposed to run a low-key local marathon but it was canceled due to weather. As such, I had to go out on my own that day to get in the scheduled 26 miles. It was my longest training run ever and went surprisingly well. I was tired, of course, but felt strong throughout.

The next week I got the nasty cold/flu bug that was going around and was out for a few days. As such, I "only" ran a long run of 20 miles that weekend.

The next week, ending on March 2nd, was another solid week and I managed to do another 26 on my own. This one felt even better than the first one. Slow but steady, I kept it easy.

Last weekend, on March 8th, I ran a super duper muddy 50K+ (it was 55K, or 34 miles according the GPS watches of fellow runners) and my goodness was that an experience! We'd had a big snow storm on Monday of that week and it had almost all melted by race day. We were running through a relentless vat of deep, sticky mud and it was hard to really get going at any point. Our shes felt like bricks! It was a fun but very challenging day. I felt strong, though and was happy with how my fitness held up. I'll definitely have to proceed much faster on the trail at Ice Age if I want to finish the race before the cut off. So here's hoping there are no epic downpours leading up to the race. That said, I will be tapered, rested, and have more adrenaline working for me on that day...so I am feeling OK about my pace.

Yesterday, March 15, I ran the Rock 'n' Roll marathon here in DC. I felt pretty good considering I'd run the trail ultra just a week before. I was sore, though, from my strength class at the gym - all the better for training, I guess - the goal, after all, is to be running on tired legs. I definitely had those. That said, I still felt really good all day. My bladder was a bit finicky and I had to stop a bunch of times to go to the bathroom. And, unlike when you're out on the trail, you can't just squat anywhere you want when you're on the streets of DC! (The National Park Service frowns upon it.) According to my GPS watch, I literally spent about 15 minutes not moving! (i.e., waiting in line). I have never had that happen before and I was thankful it wasn't a goal race. I ran nice and easy. To give you and idea of how different the effort level was, my final time was about 50 minutes slower than my marathon PR. It made for a fun finish, though, where I had TONS of energy left to finish the last mile strong. I had a fun day, but the race course was pretty crappy. No, it was really crappy. The first half was scenic, and probably 80% of the runners were only doing the half. After that it was just dreadful...running, for the most part, through industrial parks and construction sites. I have never really been impressed with the Rock 'n' Roll races - they are overpriced and there are just so many other great, independent events out there. I won't be doing this one again.

Next weekend = no race! Whew. The week after that, on March 30th, I am running another small, local marathon. That will be my last organized event before Ice Ace on May 10th. Only 55 days to go!

This. Is. Hard.

Yep. Training for an ultramarathon is hard. And no, at no point did I think it would be easy. Or even just a minor challenge. I knew it would be extreme. That was, after all, the point of taking on this crazy endeavor. But now that I am in the thick of it: wow. It's by far the most difficult physical challenge I have ever taken on in my life. And it's mentally challenging too.

I run alone. I don't have training partners. That is partly by choice (I could join a running club) and partly by default (I don't have any friends around me who run). It's how I have done most of my running since I started running distances longer than 100 meters during my second year of college. For the most part, I like it that way. I can think, listen to great books or music, and generally just be guided by my own whims and decisions. But it can also be difficult. Chatting does help the miles go by and it is nice/would be nice to have someone with whom to commiserate when the miles get long and tough.

Anyway, I run alone. As my mileage goes up and up, that means more and more time on my feet to, among other things, think about why the heck I am out there. I'd say 90% of the time I know the answer to that and it's positive: I love it. I love running, I love nature, I love fitness, I love reaching for challenging goals. But there are times when I am just tired and over it and hoping that the mileage on my GPS watch will move a wee bit faster. This morning was one of those times.

Yesterday I ran my longest training run ever: 24 miles. Before this I had completed a 22-miler during marathon training, so 24 was the longest I've gone aside from the 7 marathons I have completed since 2007. Yesterday went amazingly well. Sure I had some moments of fatigue, a few nutritional problems, and some freezing fingers. But overall I could not have asked for a better confidence-builder as I work my way towards my 50-miler.

This morning I set out to complete 12 miles. In ultra training, the key is to do back-to-back long runs on the weekend. The goal in doing the second long run is that you are running on tired legs, thus getting your legs trained for the longer challenge of the ultra. When I first started this morning I was surprised: my legs felt amazingly springy after their long journey yesterday! But after about 5 miles, they'd had enough. They were just, well, tired. BUT: this story has a happy ending! By the time I hit the National Mall again and was about 2 miles from home, I noticed that though in my head I was tired and over it, my legs didn't actually feel that bad. A look at my watch showed me that while my HR was nice and low, I was actually moving at a pretty decent clip. Running fast was not the goal; the goal was to run easy and keep my HR in check. Which I was doing and, in fact, had done for the whole run.

All this to repeat the oft-stated reality that SO much of training is mental. I had decided in my head that I was tired (and my legs, or course, were tired after yesterday) and got stuck in that grumpy mental state of wanting-it-over-ness. It wasn't until I got lost in my thoughts, snapped back to reality, and realized that I didn't actually feel so bad that I was able to give myself a break, recognize that I was succeeding, and bask in the glory of all the benefits I am getting from my diligent training. In short: it's working. I am becoming a better, stronger runner and I am gaining endurance.

I have a ways to go, but I am glad to feel like I am on the right track. Just 13 weeks until the Ice Age 50-miler!

Over the next 6-7 weeks I will be doing a bunch of organized events as training runs. (To be specific: 3 marathons and a trail 50K). I signed up for these mostly so that I could mix things up, run on courses with aid, practice running trails, and, well, because races (whether you actually "race" them or not) are fun! You will find a list of my upcoming events on the right side of this screen.

And, as always, my fundraising continues. I've raised $2,195 towards my $3,500 goal! Please click on the link on the side of the screen if you'd like to donate - any amount is appreciated! Thank you, again, to those of you who have already contributed.