It's been three years since my last post. There's no mystery as to why that is. In short: I've become unfit, unmotivated, overweight, and uninspired. The completion of my 50 for 35 challenge (if not the race) was an epic achievement. I was very proud. I graduated from law school a week after running 40, hilly, miles of trail: another epic achievement. But after that, life got complex, confusing, upsetting, and just plain hard. It happens.
I've tried, throughout these past three years, to regain my fitness. I miss it. Terribly. I miss feeling good in my body and in my skin and in my soul. I miss having reasons to feel proud and fierce. I miss having the ability to go for long runs and for hilly-scary-difficult runs, and to participate in running events. I've still participated in a few races here and there...but it's been unfulfilling and frustrating - despite the only intention being to just show up. I'm a born athlete, I'm a natural athlete, and I get a lot of my positive energy and positive reinforcement from the universe by being an athlete. Now, this is all in the eye of the beholder - I get that. I can still call myself an athlete. The reality is: I am not happy with myself and I am not being honest with myself. And that unhappiness goes beyond fitness. My life has taken twists and turns that were not what I wanted, not what I imagined, and that have caused me excessive amounts of pain, illness, heartbreak, and disappointment. Not only have I struggled with my physical well-being, but also with pretty serious health diagnoses that are not new, but that have reared their ugly head more and more over the past few years.
Anyway, I decided it's time to just stop the madness. All of it. There is only so much I can control, but there is a whole lot that I can control. One thing I believe that I can grab by the horns, slam on the breaks, screech a 180, and steer in a different direction, is my physical fitness and by proxy my overall wellness.
Welcome to FIT for 40. Or, since we are in the era of social media: #FITfor40. Why? Because why the fu** not?
What is #FITfor40? Well, I am not exactly sure...yet. But I have a ton of ideas, and a ton of goals, and currently a ton of inspiration. I want to keep it rollin'...
Of note: My 40th birthday is 18 months from today, on November 21, 2018. I have decided that I want to snap myself out of my funk, re-engage with my innate physical abilities, tap into my former athlete, and get myself back to doing things epic.
So, stay tuned. And, if you'd like, I hope you'll join me on this adventure. You don't need to be unfit, or frustrated, or flirting with 40 to join me or this challenge. All you have to have is a desire to start engaging in physical fitness - and healthy living - more than you are right now.
So why am I saying all of this "publicly" (to the four of you who will read this)? Because it helps to say things out-loud, even if it's the social-media version of out-loud. It helps because it makes it real, it makes a "thing," and it makes me accountable. I am nostalgic for the focus and dedication I had while I was fundraising and training for my 50-miler. And while this is a different sort of journey, I am still committed to making it real and not just an idea in my head or my private journal.
So, what am I gonna do? Well, that's also a work in progress...more to come in ensuing posts. I am gonna start by signing up for a few races: organized events are key for me and while my goal is to be better equipped to participate in them at a higher level, for now I am going to throw myself back into the mix and remind my body what it feels like. I also plan to get back to regular, and intensified, run training, and to kick up my attendance record in classes and with my trainer at Destination Fitness. I'll also be working with my trainer on doing fitness tests and measurements at three month intervals throughout this process; I like measuring concrete, objective progress!
I've learned so much from running, and training, and experimenting with my fitness and abilities through the years. I hope to share some of that here. I also hope to explore some new training methods and fitness ideas and share those too. I've run over 20 half marathons, 10 marathons, and a couple of ultramarathons. -- And all this for a girl who excelled in, and is better suited to run, the 100 meter dash!
And, as with my 50 for 35 challenge, this entire journey will culminate with an attempt at one, epic physical challenge.
FIT, for me, means: Fierceness, Integrity, Tenacity.
I'm also on twitter with a new handle. For my twitter photo, I chose a day in 2012 when I was, perhaps, more inspired than I have ever been: In London, after watching one of my dearest (and fittest!) friends pour her heart out in the Olympic marathon. Watching the race that day I was inspired to work hard to get the most out of myself,...whatever that is. I don't think I've done that yet. And I'd still like to try. I have 18 months until I turn 40, and while there's truly no deadline, in those 18 months I intend to focus on getting my body, and my mind, #FITfor40.